Monday, Dec 31 2007

Every New Year’s Eve Brian and I discuss our goals for the coming year. We plan everything from home improvement projects to vacations to what projects I want to sew or what things we want to be involved in. Last year’s list was long and there were many things that we didn’t get to, but that’s okay. There were many we did. And of course we plan these things having no idea what Life will throw at us.

Last night I was pondering what I might put on 2008′s list, and I started thinking about 2007 and what that brought. What am I proud of about 2007? What do I wish we had done differently? I am going to use those as a jumping off point to write my 2008 list.

Here are some of those things:
* We survived. We came through the loss of Carla and some other family troubles with grace and strength. If nothing else we are not bitter because of those things. Grieving, yes. Bitter, no. And ever grateful for what we had and still have.
* We persevered through losses and hard work. Through homeschooling (which was very difficult).
* We continue to strengthen our family and our marriage. Constantly talking through problems and concerns. Always trying to do better.
* We travelled, and it was wonderful. Such great memories.
* We are starting to look beyond this year and starting to plan for longer term goals.

Things I want to do differently:
* I want to think about the things we put on our calendar and not just put things on because of obligation. Even those things should be deliberately thought out. And I will not feel guilty when I do not do everything everyone else wants me to.
* I want to relax more with my kids, with my schedules and with making everything perfect.
* I want to carve out time and regularly read my Bible, pray and make time for creativity.
* I want to be more content with what I have. I am not the kind of person who wants every new thing…far from it. But I still find myself obsessed with getting things that have gotten into my mind. I want to let go and be content with what I already have.

I think 2008 is going to be another good year. I hope and pray so.

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Christmas 2007 Monday, Dec 31 2007

Jenny asked how our Christmas was…It was wonderful. Hubby’s been off work for what will be 11 days using up the last of his found vacation (we thought he was out, but there was a miscalculation…that kind I can handle!).

My parents came Christmas eve (they live an hour away), had dinner with us and then we went to candlelight service. That was the first time the boys got to do a candlelight service and they liked that. We also got to see the stable animals. Then home and put the kids to bed. Alex was still wandering around at 9:20, but he finally got to sleep and Santa came. (Yes, we do Santa, but we don’t make a big deal about that. He brings them each a present (usually the thing they want most) and puts candy canes on the tree.)

Christmas morning was wonderful. We had to wake Sam up (Alex got up at 7!) around 7:30. Alex had opened his stocking gifts already. They had a blast opening all the presents. There were lots…but they were little things. Alex’s favorite was a cat puppet (the thing looks so real it’s scary) and Sam was thrilled with his war planes set that he’s wanted. They were very happy and content with all they got. It was nice to see them be so.

Then we had ham dinner with simple fixings (I’ve finally learned not to over do it when there are only 6 of us. This way I get to enjoy the day too.) Mom and Dad went home around 4, we made phone calls to the far away family and played with presents and went to bed. It was a good day.

The rest of the vacation has been good too. We made a list of things we wanted to do (some work, some fun (like watch Pirates of the Caribbean 3 which was dreadful), some schedule things (like a soccer game) and assigned dates at the beginning of vacation. We have gotten lots of things done, and have still been relaxing and enjoying ourselves.

I count many blessings this week. Family, friends, food, gifts, happy kids, a husband with whom I have a great relationship, companionable pooches and so many more. I’m looking forward to 2008. And I wish you all a happy, healthy and blessed New Year.

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A Good Day Saturday, Dec 22 2007

Today was a very good day. Ran a couple of errands early before the crowds were heavy and I got the last couple little things bought. Cleaned the house. Wrapped all the presents while Brian took the kids to Alex’s soccer game. Whew! Then baked the last of the Christmas cookies. Yum. Orange chocolate chippers. Walked the dogs because it was warm and sunny. Made a yummy dinner of italian sausage sandwiches. Now the boys are reading through the Christmas story on the advent calendar. Baths for the boys and a movie are up next. It’s been a very good peaceful but full day.

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A Good Gift Friday, Dec 21 2007

Rieger the dog was visiting for the last few weeks. If I haven’t mentioned this before, Rieger was our second Canine Companions for Independence puppy. He was a handful, I was really pregnant and so he finished his training with another puppy raiser. When he was released from the program (while chasing geese, he nearly took his trainer into a pond) she kept him, but it’s always been understood that we have visitation rights. We keep him when she goes on vacation and sometimes he visits for fun. The latter has happened a couple of times since the loss of Carla.

While he was here recently Brian got a really awesome portrait of him. I had one blown up to an 8×10 and framed it with a simple frame from Kohls, wrapped it and gave it to Marty when we met to turn Rieger over into her care. She loved it. She was so surprised and felt bad she didn’t get me anything. I didn’t care. I wasn’t looking for a gift from her. I just wanted to share with her something I knew she would like. That was giving. That was joyful…on both of our parts. And I realize that that’s what the spirit of Christmas gift giving is supposed to be. I have become too wrapped up in wish lists (both mine and others) and giving to get it done. How I want to give gifts that mean something…really bring joy. I would like to strive for that more often.

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A Little Peace Wednesday, Dec 12 2007

I don’t know what it was today, but I had a delightful sense of peace around dinner time. School this morning was stressful dealing with a bad attitude (child’s, not mine today). After school we ran an errand…even more stressful with my sending child out to the car (very small, quiet place where I could safely do that). We came home and the boys went upstairs for quiet time. And I sat with a cup of tea and cross stitched. For an entire hour. And day dreamed about the children’s book I’d like to write. Somewhere in there the clutter in my brain fell into neat, orderly rows and left me feeling peaceful.

At the end of quiet time we went outside and cleaned up the yard. It was nice to get a few minutes of sunshine. Then I came inside and started work on dinner. And while I made dinner I was busy doing several things at once (pizza, salad, dessert, convincing Sam to clean up the mess he had made, that no one was going to help him and that was okay, and getting dogs fed, out, and then feet wiped) and it was all okay. Busy, but not crazed.

I need to make that happen again because even several hours later I still have some of that peace. And, truthfully, I’m a much better mother when I feel like this.

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Still Missing Her Tuesday, Dec 4 2007

It’s quiet time right now, when the boys are asked to spend an hour alone and quiet in their rooms. I get a break, and they get a break from each other which keeps them from wanting to kill each other by 4:00. I’ve been catching up on their baby book pages. I don’t scrapbook, but I have always filled out a page a month for what the boys were up to. They’re going to have very complete information for their autobiographies.

I was catching up on February and March. Never have I been so long in filling out a month. But in February and March, Carla was sick and dying so we were busy with other things. But I want their books to be mostly complete, so I filled them, if vaguely. But it’s still really hard to think about that time. About our last weeks and days with her. And my calendar is filled with her temperatures and medicines. And it’s just hard to look at that and not be sad.

My life and my house are filled with dogs-Louie, who has seen so many other dogs come and go, Britta, a beautiful and loving creature who we think will go far as a service dog, and even a visiting Rieger dog, who we raised, was released, but still comes back to visit. But there is still a Carla-shaped hole. There are times when I can think of her and smile now, but thinking about when we were losing her still breaks my heart. I still miss you, pretty girl.

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